On days like today, I wish so deeply for a road map. I'm lost in the world with no hope of being found.... My grandparents, some of the greatest people I know. How could I possibly think of leaving them now? University still clouds my thoughts. I want more than anything (education wise) to go away to school, but who am I to leave my grandparents when they aren't doing so well. The thought of being six hours away from them and having something happen to them kills me. I'd do absolutely anything for them, but this-- this I can't do. They're aware of my worry, and even thought they want me to stay here for school, they're telling me to go. To go off to school because they know that's what I really want. But I can't allow what I want to actually happen. What matters is that the people I love more than anyone else are safe. I can only be sure of that by staying. But if I stay, my family will know I'm unhappy here. Yet if I go, I'll be to worried to focus on school. Nothing comes before my family. Not school, not anything I think I might want. Family is first. It's so difficult because I know it will kill them to know I stayed because I was worried about them. It would kill me because I'd be so far away, and I wouldn't be able to rush to their sides when they need me. This is by far the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I wish there was a road map. I wish this decision wasn't mine. I wish for a plethora of things, of which I know; only I can solve.
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